Why is it that people get into disagreements before the holidays – especially holidays that have to do with gift giving? This is the most inconvenient time to actually have these said disagreements because for people like me that like to give gifts that are meaningful, it makes it REALLY hard to give that gift to the person that it was meant for.

I had a gift that I was so freakin’ stoked about to give this person because it actually came from the heart and was a cool freaking gift. I know this person likes the subject matter of the gift as I heard that from their own mouth, but this one was special, a reminder if you will of the cleverness and trouble I had picking said gift and knowing it would be always with them – well a good 90% of the time (unless they didn’t like it). It also served as a self-serving gift for me as well as it was a constant reminder, well, of me (I know, no consolation prize to an actual useful gift if you know me, but oh well) and my level of friendship.

This all said, I apparently screwed the pooch the other day by having a bad day trying to straighten out my head and ignoring the person and then going out to drinks with some other friends. I know I was in trouble because what normally fun and happy texts came to short and straight texts and at a frequency that even the turtle would have won the race at. I know that this was probably a bad choice from the start (I do know better) and am a grown ass man so I am dealing with my decision. I have apologized to all those that were here, but as they say, it is what it is.

I was given a cold shoulder the whole next day until sometime that night when I got a few other texts from the person. I was told that they weren’t mad at me, but that my actions were crappy and inconsiderate to a different group of people. I get that, but the first thing that was said was this person didn’t know everything that happened… now with that said, anything after it to me came through as a judgement at that point. I wholeheartedly agree with what they said, I was an ass – check. I was setting a bad example – check. I was creating tension (among the group I ignored that night at the house and avoided even eye contact) – check and swift kick in the ass x2. Locked myself in the studio – check, but I was listening to music loudly and wanted to not disturb their conversation, plus I got to sing and no one was there to criticize and had the several instances of having the kids come in and dance with me (ok, that part was fun). Yep, I was a real tool that night – probably on my worst game ever.

SO, that whole thing about being judged – I totally feel as though I was. First there was an assumption that I was ignoring someone in that group when in fact, that person was the one that I ended up talking to the most that night before I up and left to meet up with some friends. Secondly, I was told that I was seen arguing a lot with one of those people in the group and after careful discussion and serious thinking with the person I argued a lot with in front of the other person, we can’t think of any arguments – we damn sure can think of WAY  too many times where we were snide or slightly rude, but no arguments. I’m not one to argue in front of others if I can avoid it. This person has seen those snide remarks though and to some, benefit of the doubt, can consider them micro-arguments.

Aside of all that, I was also told that they weren’t mad at me. While I know it’s easier to say that you’re not, I am a total actions guy. I’ll say snide things, make comments, and speak a lot of junk, but I’ll do what you ask no matter how mad I am. Because I do have some sense of decency and respect. So the actions that were delved out were not those of someone that isn’t mad at you. It seemed to be of someone that was not only mad, but disappointed. That’s my assumption and if it makes me look like an ass I’ll deal with it later. It was like they were shocked with me and what I did. Now, I know it was bad to avoid these people like I did. I never thought I would get this reaction, it was like they were hurt a little or something of that nature. I mean, I’ve never not been talked to by this person, I normally have had good social networking interaction with this person as well and immediately after this, everything stopped and I was now being handled with one longer text, and two regular sized texts – and the social interactions, stopped that night – literally.

After all of this, I’m going to say it, I’m hurt. I thought that there was more to the friendship (and honestly there may have been but it was never really shown) and that there was an understanding. Now, I’m not so sure – there’s a disappointment on both sides at the moment I’m sure. One was for me being a ass. Yes, yes I was. I have to say that I’m a bit disappointed in that while saying you aren’t mad at me and acting 100% like you are not only makes for a confused me, but also makes me feel like we didn’t tell each other everything. I may be a bit guilty about that. This friend plays a good role in my life as well. I just hope that we can one day sit down and talk openly about things and be truthful when doing it.

Back to the topic at hand. So after having a disagreement right before the holidays and things obviously change, what do you do about the gift that you have that once had a lot of meaning, but now has no real meaning any longer. Do you just take it back and tell them to take your gift back if they’ve gotten you one or do you still give it and say what it used to mean but that it doesn’t mean that anymore, or just give it and give no explanation behind it making it an extremely odd choice of gifts. It was to be exciting to see their face, but now I’m going to feel like I just pulled it out of thin air to get something irrelevant or inappropriate.

Time will tell and a talk between us should heal, but getting there is going to be a monstrous climb!